On "Love Day" we are flooded with stories of love, hearts, flowers, dinner celebrations and so on. For some it’s a sweet nudge, an opportunity to shower and be showered with love and affection. For others, however, it’s a jarring reminder of the loneliness they wish they could escape. While these feelings are fair and normal; they can negatively impact one’s mental health when they become consuming and are the lens that color the entire day. If this is your experience, I first encourage you to acknowledge and validate how you feel. Then, reclaim the day by focusing on caring for yourself and others. Here are some ways to do that.
Draw close to God I know, I know-that’s what I’m supposed to say. But I am so for real with this one. Psalm 34:18 says that “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and he saves the crushed in spirit.” (CSB). So, the best place to go when our heart is broken is straight to God. Recently, a quote became popular that says that God is the source and everything else is just a resource. God never intended for a relationship to be the source of your happiness, satisfaction, and enjoyment- He wants to be that for you. Not only that, but God wants you to know him intimately, he already knows you that way. Matthew 10 tells us that God knows us so intimately that he knows exactly how many hairs are on our head. He knows how you are feeling and he wants to meet all of your needs. So instead of wallowing in sadness this Valentines Day, draw near to God and allow him to satisfy all your needs.
Give what you desire Experiencing challenging emotions helps us to empathize with others who could be feeling the same. Because you are familiar with the feelings of loneliness, you are perfectly positioned to help others who are experiencing something similar. Try showing up for someone else instead of waiting for someone to show up for you. See if you can spend time with a senior in a nursing home, or read books to kids at the library, or help a single mom in a homeless shelter. Use service to others to rescue you from despair, take your mind off of your own situation, and use your emotional energy to positively impact the lives of others.
Get to know yourself I am often telling my clients to use their single seasons to work on strengthening their sense of self. We were once sold a narrative that a good relationship would “complete us.” As if we were some incomplete soul looking for a match to make us whole. No! Don’t buy into that. When you start a relationship with this mindset you can find yourself on a slippery slope to codependency. Instead, work on improving yourself and learning to meet your own needs; that way, when you do find a partner, they will just be the cherry on top of an already complete sundae instead of foundation upon which the entire sundae is built. So-try taking yourself out on a date- or staying in for one. Treat yourself well, give yourself something you’ve been wanting. Spend time getting to know this version of yourself. Give yourself the things you are waiting for a partner to give you.
Whether you’re single or coupled, Valentine’s Day can be one of purpose, intentionality, and love. It all depends on your perspective and how you choose to spend the day.